heartbreak versus heartbreak

i was running the other day in what was the perfect weather for my mood: grey skies and ceaseless light rain. even with the rhythm of my steps to my soundtrack playlist, my thoughts still drowned out the music.  i was remembering and thinking about heartbreak, not mine, but of my closest friends.  i actually know a few of my girls who are broken right now, and because of how big my heart is, i felt as though i were going through their pain with them.  i wish i could. that's just how i am, i care a little too much, and would take any heart pain away from anyone in a second.  i don't like to be sad or heartbroken, but i hate it even more when i see a friend going through it, especially if i can relate to the situation. in one way or another, though, we can all relate, because we have ALL been there. it sucks. it's sad. it hurts. it takes a really long time to get to the point where one is okay hearing about how he's doing or running into him unexpectedly.  in the aftermath, you just want to pretend it never happened, that it couldn't have happened to you, and that you'll know exactly what you'd say or do when you see him again.  haha nope. doesn't work like that. taking time to actually heal, is the only way it will happen. 

i believe with all my heart and from experience that jesus christ is the only one who can heal the deep pains in the soul.  he heals you through his love, through his word, and through people that he places in your life.  if you allow him too, he turns the greatest sorrows into joy, but it's not easy. a lot of the pain you feel is from the mistakes you made in the relationship, how much you changed what you believe to hang on to the perfect guy, or any other sin that you struggled with during that time. you can only listen to sad music for so long before you realize that what you need is to allow jesus to restore and renew your heart.  in isaiah 43:1 we are given a title that moves us to falling into jesus' arms instead of sad music, alcohol, drugs, sex, or lies: "but now, thus says the lord, who created you, o jacob, and he who formed you, o israel: “ fear not, for I have redeemed you; i have called you by your name; you are mine."  isn't that exactly what we want? to be somebody's? to know that someone wants you and only you for themselves, only so they can love you?  "you are MINE" says the lord. i am reduced to cold chills and tears.  his promise of redemption was paid through the blood of his son, so that we could belong to him forever, through all our sins, flaws, and mistakes.

"and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross" (philippians 2:8). here comes the heartbreak, again. when we are saddened or pained in our heart from any kind of broken relationship, jesus only desires that we allow him to love us. that's it. we don't have to die an excruciating and horrific death on a wooden cross for us to be able to be with him forever. his son did it for us.  it truly does break your heart all over again, right? except this time there are tears of joy instead of pain. heartbreak vs. heartbreak. 

i originally wanted to just post sad song lyrics as a shout out to my girls in this post, because honestly, it's ok to feel sadness. however, i thought it better to reassure my girls of the hope of turning sadness into joy (isaiah 61:3) with important words of encouragement. and okay i have to post music too, because it's my thing. i love you all my sweet friends!

Heartbreak vs. Heartbreak

 

fall chicken with koriander sauce

my swedish family had no idea they also hired a live-in chef as well as an au pair.  just kidding, i'm not a chef, but as i have been preparing most of the meals during the week and most weekends, my skills and knowledge of food has grown. or maybe it was inspiration from glassy's head chef i fancied before my arrival.  either way, one thing i have found though, is i may be a little superstitious in the kitchen; anything can happen. 
i found this recipe in a cookbook, and the picture looked really yummy, but i changed it to make it my own.  because i'm not the best reader in swedish and still come across many new words, i tend to do things that don't follow the recipe, you know, add a "little bit of this" and a "little bit of that." 
this is what i came up with:

"fall chicken with koriander sauce"

ingredients:                                                                             koriander sauce:
chicken (one breast for each person)                                      natural greek yoghurt
bacon                                                                                    koriander
potatos                                                                                  lime
carrots                                                                                   salt/pepper to taste
mushrooms (cremini or porcini would be best i think)
onions (not necessary for allergy purposes, ahem, mama)
hole cloves of garlic
fresh thyme
olive oil
salt/pepper

directions (feel it out)
set the oven to 350. cut the potatos and carrots in small pieces. lay them in a form. dice the mushrooms and onions. add them and the whole garlic cloves to the potatos and carrots. mix them together and splash olive oil over.  if the chicken breasts are thick, slice them on one side to the middle of the breast so they cook faster. rub the chicken with thyme. then wrap the bacon around the chicken and lay each breast on top of the potato mixture.  sprinkle a little more thyme over the whole dish.  set it in the oven for maybe 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked all the way through. serve with koriander sauce (you can make the presentations as pretty as you want. i places my vegetables first, the bacon wrapped chicken on top, then sauce around the plate with a little on top of the chicken).

*basically, you can add as little or as much of the flavors as you want, and long as the chicken gets cooks all the way through. it's quick, simple, and tastes amazing which is what we all love, right? also, i haven't tried it yet, but my instincts tell me that the orange roots would make it even better: sweet potatos, pumpkins, and butternut squash mm mmMM!

vårsagod!! (your wlecome!!)

"where they raise you to be polite..."

i know i have all these dreams of seeing the whole world, but there is nothing that can take my heart away from the south and her charms.  my parents are from the west coast, but for some reason they decided it was better to raise their kids in south carolina, which i could not be more thankful for. the simple life, sweet tea, the coast, and those jacked up chevy's blaring country music are what i look forward to the most when i return. my southern state of mind has not left me yet, ya'll.

i know the heart of life is good

i know i say this a lot, but i love john mayer. L-O-V-E john mayer! i still can't tell if it's an obsession with his lyrics, or an infatuation with the way the sound of his acoustic turns my stomach inside out. i literally get butterflies! it's ridiculous, i know, and yet i still find myself going back to continuum and playing it on repeat. it's by far his best album, and sounds even better live...as in 5ft away from you in charlotte's verizon wireless amphitheater live, where you can smell and see the sweat dripping from his 80's style blue sweatband around his head. whoah. flashbacks are my favorite. it was a moment never to be forgotten.

ok, i can stop the rambling now.

nonetheless, i was thinking about his song "the heart of life" today, and tried to pinpoint exactly where the heart of my life is thus far. it just so happens to be in these dreadful 20's, where there is so much figuring out to do about yourself, love, friends, social status, career paths, faith...etc and not specifically in that order.  it's difficult, and i'm finding it much harder on this "little" (a.k.a. 10 month long) adventure i'm on in sweden.  being away from all that i've ever known in my life has given me a lot of time in self discovery.  i won't share those things now, because let's face it, i will probably change my mind tomorrow (it'a a 20's thing).
i do want to share, however, that i've had somewhat of a breakthrough today.  it was the first time, since i have been here in sweden, maybe even longer, that i felt completely like myself, sara maria giffin. it was just me, even to the point where i confessed that i am secretly still into dinosaurs. i honestly could watch jurassic park over and over, and i have always loved the discovery channel series "walking with dinosaurs" and will have it in my documentary collection one day. fyi.
today was just a typical day though: took the kids to school, had my cup of earl grey, did a little run, enticed myself in john grisham's "the associate," trained at the pool, actually sat down to watch reruns of the bachelor with jenny and fun conversation during the commercial breaks, and before you know it, it was time to go get the kids from school! the night proceeded as any other typical friday would, where i made our friday cocktail and started cooking. it was a nice recipe too, mmm i'll post it later ;). anyways, i had the music blaring, all the while singing all the lyrics to the playlist jenny picked out at the top of my lungs. i was having a blast, also while elias (2 year old) was determined to vacuum every little piece of schmutz in the other room.  this scene was probably a little chaotic to any other person with the noise in general. haha but the crisp fall air of a swedish september was blowing through the open door, and i was so content and in my element! i laughed so much at elias and emma after dinner, and it was basically just me and the two of them watching princess stories volume 2.  it was pretty special, or maybe it was that 2nd glass of wine! i don't know! it felt SO good though, to just be my quirky ole southern self!  i think me singing so loud in the kitchen was what through me off, because i haven't really expressed that side of myself here. i don't know why, i totally miss it!  but today, i didn't hold back: from my run, from being a chatterbox, from singing my heart out, from laughing, from loving on these kids, from sticking my face outside just to smell the air...by far the most comfortable state of "me" that i've experienced. 

i have 4 more months of the hardest and greatest challenge of being an au pair and finding myself in sweden, and today gave me hope. hope past all of the hard times i've already had, and the many more that will come during these next few years. i know that SO many things will change, but i pray that i can stay true to the few simple things in my life that make me who i am already (song and voice, a childlike faith, a love for ALL, even dinosaurs, a runner).  i'm sure every other 20-something old blog enthusiast posts the same story, but they are all our own, and we are not lying when we say this is a sucky part of life. BUT the heart of life is indeed good, and the process is all worthwhile in the end. the end being contentment, peace, and love. you just have to go through a few burning rooms first.

thanks for listening,

~uncharted

"The Heart Of Life"
I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

Daniel 3:1-7

if you imagine this story as a movie with the characters as severe as william wallace, maximus decimus meridius, or benjamin martin..etc, it becomes much more visual than it already is. oh how i love the word!

⁷ Therefore, as soon as they heard the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music, all the nations and peoples of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.
 ⁸ At this time some astrologers^[a] came forward and denounced the Jews. ⁹ They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, “May the king live forever! ¹⁰ Your Majesty has issued a decree that everyone who hears the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipe and all kinds of music must fall down and worship the image of gold, ¹¹ and that whoever does not fall down and worship will be thrown into a blazing furnace. ¹² But there are some Jews whom you have set over the affairs of the province of Babylon—Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego—who pay no attention to you, Your Majesty. They neither serve your gods nor worship the image of gold you have set up.”
 ¹³ Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, ¹⁴ and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? ¹⁵ Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipe and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?”
 ¹⁶ Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us^[b] from Your Majesty’s hand. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
 ¹⁹ Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual ²⁰ and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. ²¹ So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. ²² The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, ²³ and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
 ²⁴ Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?”
   They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.”
 ²⁵ He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

i don't need anything else to get me fired up. it's amazing the journey of the heart when pursuing after god. thank you heavenly father, for the greatest gift next to your son, your holy word, and thank you for blessing this time of reading. amen.

conversations with an au pair

i literally just had this conversation with myself:

me: seriously, if you don't stop allowing these grey hairs to show up whenever they want, i swear i will rid you forever with chemicals!!!
myself: get over it it's a part of aging, plus you did just have a birthday
me: yeah ok, i know it's a part of growing up, but really? it was only my 23rd birthday!!
myself: yeah well you can blame dad for your genes.
me: whatever, i'm just gonna leave it for now.
myself: that's the spirit! a few more and you can rock the stacey london grey!
me: LOCK IT UP

"so scared of getting older, i'm only good at being young..."
thanks john, you're the only one who understands

p.s. i am not a fan of grey hairs at 23, even if it was only 3 today.

oh nebby, you just don't know...

it smells like fall outside, it's about to rain, and the "you've got mail" soundtrack is inspiring me to have a cup of coffee with blogspot. why don't you sit with me and read my heart:

currently i've been going through beth moore's bible study of daniel.  though i am only in week 3 and have much to learn, i have to say that it's hurting my feelings a bit, even through all of beth's reassuring "oh beloved's" and "sweet sister's." but before i get to my self-loathing, i'll recap what's happened in daniel 1-3:7:

*please note this is my slang version of the story so far and i encourage you to actually go grab your bible and read it.

so, daniel and his friends were taken from their home in jerusalem to babylon under the reign of king nebachadnezzar (i call him nebby).  nebby only wanted the best looking and best trained men to teach the babylonian ways to the newbies so they could serve the king. now daniel and his friends were to be trained as well, but they didn't want to participate in anything that didn't glorify their lord, the god of heavens, meaning they didn't want to get drunk off their faces, and then hit 3-a-days 5x times a week to keep in shape.  so they asked that the king to test them and only give them a healthy diet, which was fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and breads.  turns out, they're diet was better than eating all the finest foods in babylon, they looked healthier than any other, and they kept their integrity.  also, because they obeyed the lord, they were blessed with knowledge and wisdom, which nebby found to be useful in his kingdom.  starting in chapter 2, nebby has a crazy dream and demands that someone interpret it.  none of his astrologers can do it, so he threatens all magicians and astrologers that they will be cut to pieces if they can't figure it out.  oh but there is one man who can: daniel, for he was also blessed by the lord, and the secret to nebby's dream was revealed to him so that he might save his friends lives.  p.s. the whole time, daniel continuously gave the glory to god, so as not to fit into the culture of babylon.  so when daniel explained the dream to nebby, ole' neb was shocked and fell on his face in praise to daniel's god, the king of kings. and daniel is thinking, "oh nebby, you just don't know how great he really is."  daniel was therefore appointed to serve in the king's court.  chapter 3: after a while, i suppose the insecure king nebby became bored with life and decided to build a 90x90 ft. gold idol in the center of the kingdom! why would he do that? (go read what his dream was in daniel 2). then king nebby gave the order that if anyone did not bow down and worship his idol, they would be cast into the furnace...thus foreshadowing the story of shadrach, meshach, and abed-nego...

ok so i'm going to stop right there and you'll have to go read the rest of the book yourself because it's awesome.  now, why does this story hurt my feelings? because in all that i've read and seen in these 3 chapters, i find myself to be more like king nebuchadnezzar.  an image builder and self-seeking being in babylon, which was a city much like our world today, where beauty, body, the perfect man, and status are what make life worth living.  now, i don't worship my physical appearence, i'm not one to obsess over any guy, and i realize that if it were up to me, i would rather be homeless and happy than rich and miserable, so what's my deal?
i'm constantly an image builder with trying so hard NOT to be one...meaning i am constantly thinking of myself, but in how selfLESS i am.
*i hope this makes sense because i sometimes just ramble to figure out my own brain*
here's an example: i came to sweden to be an au pair and had no idea my job would entail doing all the dishes and laundry, cleaning after 3 kids constantly, not getting a day off for a month, cooking dinner every single night, AND all that with no thanks or appreciation.  as far as i'm concerned, cinderella and nanny are not the same person, yet i am convinced i have become both roles. so i ask myself, what the heck AM i doing? i just want to go and be 23 and single again, and go see all my kids when it's convenient for me...and there you see? i'm just being selfish with being selfless. ridiculous, really. i signed up for this job, willing to get my hands dirty, knowing that the job entitled my childcare services plus everything else i know how to do, and all i care about is getting recognized! when, if i was doing my job with all sincerity in my heart, gog would be getting the glory. and what image did i expect as an au pair? being a mom or a substitute mom is not glamorous!
 i suppose i like to think of myself as humble, but i don't think i've ever really been humble in the way the bible says we ought to.  in fact, i think quite highly of myself as a selfless person who will avoid any argument, conflict, or confrentation that could threaten someone's positive opinion of me. humility? not a chance. all i feel that is, is a lie to myself, and to god, and just another way that i have tried to gain glory for myself.  "oh sara, you just don't know..." and there is a lot more that i don't know, but i am glad i am slowly beginning to understand. shout out to all others in their twenties going through the "growing up" and "finding yourselves" stage of life. 

"therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of god, that he may exalt you in due time."
1 Peter 5:6

"humble yourselves in the sight of the lord, and he will lift you up."
james 4:10

now here is daniel's character, the character i admire and look up to so much now, and who i would much rather be able to relate to.  these verses are my prayer, a prayer for humility, so that god can prepare me for what's coming next. i pray that i am able to recognize when i am image building and am able to refuse the power of the evil one's tactics to get me to fail.  it should be easier now that i know right? ha we'll see, but that's why i serve a big and indescribable god.

signed,

valley of tomorrow