it smells like fall outside, it's about to rain, and the "you've got mail" soundtrack is inspiring me to have a cup of coffee with blogspot. why don't you sit with me and read my heart:
currently i've been going through beth moore's bible study of daniel. though i am only in week 3 and have much to learn, i have to say that it's hurting my feelings a bit, even through all of beth's reassuring "oh beloved's" and "sweet sister's." but before i get to my self-loathing, i'll recap what's happened in daniel 1-3:7:
*please note this is my slang version of the story so far and i encourage you to actually go grab your bible and read it.
so, daniel and his friends were taken from their home in jerusalem to babylon under the reign of king nebachadnezzar (i call him nebby). nebby only wanted the best looking and best trained men to teach the babylonian ways to the newbies so they could serve the king. now daniel and his friends were to be trained as well, but they didn't want to participate in anything that didn't glorify their lord, the god of heavens, meaning they didn't want to get drunk off their faces, and then hit 3-a-days 5x times a week to keep in shape. so they asked that the king to test them and only give them a healthy diet, which was fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and breads. turns out, they're diet was better than eating all the finest foods in babylon, they looked healthier than any other, and they kept their integrity. also, because they obeyed the lord, they were blessed with knowledge and wisdom, which nebby found to be useful in his kingdom. starting in chapter 2, nebby has a crazy dream and demands that someone interpret it. none of his astrologers can do it, so he threatens all magicians and astrologers that they will be cut to pieces if they can't figure it out. oh but there is one man who can: daniel, for he was also blessed by the lord, and the secret to nebby's dream was revealed to him so that he might save his friends lives. p.s. the whole time, daniel continuously gave the glory to god, so as not to fit into the culture of babylon. so when daniel explained the dream to nebby, ole' neb was shocked and fell on his face in praise to daniel's god, the king of kings. and daniel is thinking, "oh nebby, you just don't know how great he really is." daniel was therefore appointed to serve in the king's court. chapter 3: after a while, i suppose the insecure king nebby became bored with life and decided to build a 90x90 ft. gold idol in the center of the kingdom! why would he do that? (go read what his dream was in daniel 2). then king nebby gave the order that if anyone did not bow down and worship his idol, they would be cast into the furnace...thus foreshadowing the story of shadrach, meshach, and abed-nego...
ok so i'm going to stop right there and you'll have to go read the rest of the book yourself because it's awesome. now, why does this story hurt my feelings? because in all that i've read and seen in these 3 chapters, i find myself to be more like king nebuchadnezzar. an image builder and self-seeking being in babylon, which was a city much like our world today, where beauty, body, the perfect man, and status are what make life worth living. now, i don't worship my physical appearence, i'm not one to obsess over any guy, and i realize that if it were up to me, i would rather be homeless and happy than rich and miserable, so what's my deal?
i'm constantly an image builder with trying so hard NOT to be one...meaning i am constantly thinking of myself, but in how selfLESS i am.
*i hope this makes sense because i sometimes just ramble to figure out my own brain*
here's an example: i came to sweden to be an au pair and had no idea my job would entail doing all the dishes and laundry, cleaning after 3 kids constantly, not getting a day off for a month, cooking dinner every single night, AND all that with no thanks or appreciation. as far as i'm concerned, cinderella and nanny are not the same person, yet i am convinced i have become both roles. so i ask myself, what the heck AM i doing? i just want to go and be 23 and single again, and go see all my kids when it's convenient for me...and there you see? i'm just being selfish with being selfless. ridiculous, really. i signed up for this job, willing to get my hands dirty, knowing that the job entitled my childcare services plus everything else i know how to do, and all i care about is getting recognized! when, if i was doing my job with all sincerity in my heart, gog would be getting the glory. and what image did i expect as an au pair? being a mom or a substitute mom is not glamorous!
i suppose i like to think of myself as humble, but i don't think i've ever really been humble in the way the bible says we ought to. in fact, i think quite highly of myself as a selfless person who will avoid any argument, conflict, or confrentation that could threaten someone's positive opinion of me. humility? not a chance. all i feel that is, is a lie to myself, and to god, and just another way that i have tried to gain glory for myself. "oh sara, you just don't know..." and there is a lot more that i don't know, but i am glad i am slowly beginning to understand. shout out to all others in their twenties going through the "growing up" and "finding yourselves" stage of life.
"therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of god, that he may exalt you in due time."
1 Peter 5:6
"humble yourselves in the sight of the lord, and he will lift you up."
james 4:10
now here is daniel's character, the character i admire and look up to so much now, and who i would much rather be able to relate to. these verses are my prayer, a prayer for humility, so that god can prepare me for what's coming next. i pray that i am able to recognize when i am image building and am able to refuse the power of the evil one's tactics to get me to fail. it should be easier now that i know right? ha we'll see, but that's why i serve a big and indescribable god.
signed,
valley of tomorrow
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