i've never had a rivalry with any girl ever, until i met emma. she's 4. funny yeah? i suppose it is, but we either love each other, or we can't stand each other. our relationship has improved so much over the 7 months i have been here, but nonetheless, we still have our moments. she can be the sweetest little princess ever, or she can scream at me over the dumbest stuff! i swear, whining over the butter being on the wrong side of the toast is simply not okay! crying over the newly drawn stick figure getting messed up because elias ran into the table, also, not okay. i hope all 4 year old girls don't whine this much, if so, i'm having all boys. it's so annoying! especially when it's first thing in the morning. it could put a damper on my whole day, until i get my cup of coffee.
it is amazing how far we've come, though. i remember our first breaking point when she finally realaized that i wasn't fluent in every language. this was in the beginning, maybe about 3 months in. i had to put all the kids to bed by myself one night, and yes i understand how precious bed time is with your own parents, so of course emma was a little dramatic. i can't tell you how many excuses she tried to make for not going to bed, all of them being in swedish, which i could barely understand at that point. i tried my best to read a short swedish book, which i completely butchered, and when it finally came time to turn the lights out all the happy was gone. she was trying to tell me something, and i understood every word except for one, the most important word, of course. she was telling me (in swedish) "i don't want to sleep now i just want to______!!" hmm deer in headlights. i had no idea what she wanted and the more i stared blankly at her trying to figure it out, the more frustrated and LOUDER she got. i tried to tell her that i don't understand and that everything would be okay if she just went to sleep. no no no, the fight continues, and i felt so bad when she started screaming "understand meeeeee!!!!!" i mean, i was gettign upset too, so i resulted to going to get my best friend, my little swedish dictionary. i tried to have her help me find the word she was looking for, and during that process she started to calm down. i think while watching me try really hard to find this one word, it finally hit her that it's not that i choose not to understand her, i just don't. i could only speak and understand so much swedish. i never found the word she was trying to say, so i decided to just look up the word for hug, which is "kram." i asked "emma kan vi kram nu? (emma can we hug now?)" and she took a deep sad breathe and threw her arms around me! then she just laid down and went to sleep peacefully. this war had a happy ending.
not all of our little "misunderstandings" have happy endings, but most of them do. last night was actually the most successful bedtime i've had when putting them all down by myself. emma was very happy and very cooperative. she picked out her clothes for today, we read a bunch of swedish poems together, and then hugged, kissed, and said goodnight! i turned out the lights, and right before i left she asked,
"sara, can you sing a song tonight?"
(mom ususally sings to them)
"of course emma, but i don't know many songs in swedish, would you like to hear my favorite english lullaby?"
"yeah!"
"okay! it's called moon river"
it was sweet, and she just sighed happily out loud. it's these little moments where i forget all the frustrations and stresses of being a substitue swedish mom. i was comforted that she and the boys would be going to sleep happy and peacefully. they know they are safe, that sara/nanny is downstairs if they need anything, and that they are loved. every child should go to bed feeling this way, and i am truly blessed to be able to provide that for these 3 kids i have in my life, even bipolar emma (she's not really bipolar, btw).
oh the joys of parenting. i might be an expert by the time i actually reach that point in my life. as tigger always says, "TTFN, ta-ta for now!"
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
An Exuberant Decleration of Faith
Psalm 27
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
3 Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.
4 One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
9 Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
10 When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the LORD will take care of me.
11 Teach me Your way, O LORD,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
12 Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
14 Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!
Monday, September 12, 2011
heartbreak versus heartbreak
i was running the other day in what was the perfect weather for my mood: grey skies and ceaseless light rain. even with the rhythm of my steps to my soundtrack playlist, my thoughts still drowned out the music. i was remembering and thinking about heartbreak, not mine, but of my closest friends. i actually know a few of my girls who are broken right now, and because of how big my heart is, i felt as though i were going through their pain with them. i wish i could. that's just how i am, i care a little too much, and would take any heart pain away from anyone in a second. i don't like to be sad or heartbroken, but i hate it even more when i see a friend going through it, especially if i can relate to the situation. in one way or another, though, we can all relate, because we have ALL been there. it sucks. it's sad. it hurts. it takes a really long time to get to the point where one is okay hearing about how he's doing or running into him unexpectedly. in the aftermath, you just want to pretend it never happened, that it couldn't have happened to you, and that you'll know exactly what you'd say or do when you see him again. haha nope. doesn't work like that. taking time to actually heal, is the only way it will happen.
i believe with all my heart and from experience that jesus christ is the only one who can heal the deep pains in the soul. he heals you through his love, through his word, and through people that he places in your life. if you allow him too, he turns the greatest sorrows into joy, but it's not easy. a lot of the pain you feel is from the mistakes you made in the relationship, how much you changed what you believe to hang on to the perfect guy, or any other sin that you struggled with during that time. you can only listen to sad music for so long before you realize that what you need is to allow jesus to restore and renew your heart. in isaiah 43:1 we are given a title that moves us to falling into jesus' arms instead of sad music, alcohol, drugs, sex, or lies: "but now, thus says the lord, who created you, o jacob, and he who formed you, o israel: “ fear not, for I have redeemed you; i have called you by your name; you are mine." isn't that exactly what we want? to be somebody's? to know that someone wants you and only you for themselves, only so they can love you? "you are MINE" says the lord. i am reduced to cold chills and tears. his promise of redemption was paid through the blood of his son, so that we could belong to him forever, through all our sins, flaws, and mistakes.
"and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross" (philippians 2:8). here comes the heartbreak, again. when we are saddened or pained in our heart from any kind of broken relationship, jesus only desires that we allow him to love us. that's it. we don't have to die an excruciating and horrific death on a wooden cross for us to be able to be with him forever. his son did it for us. it truly does break your heart all over again, right? except this time there are tears of joy instead of pain. heartbreak vs. heartbreak.
i originally wanted to just post sad song lyrics as a shout out to my girls in this post, because honestly, it's ok to feel sadness. however, i thought it better to reassure my girls of the hope of turning sadness into joy (isaiah 61:3) with important words of encouragement. and okay i have to post music too, because it's my thing. i love you all my sweet friends!
i believe with all my heart and from experience that jesus christ is the only one who can heal the deep pains in the soul. he heals you through his love, through his word, and through people that he places in your life. if you allow him too, he turns the greatest sorrows into joy, but it's not easy. a lot of the pain you feel is from the mistakes you made in the relationship, how much you changed what you believe to hang on to the perfect guy, or any other sin that you struggled with during that time. you can only listen to sad music for so long before you realize that what you need is to allow jesus to restore and renew your heart. in isaiah 43:1 we are given a title that moves us to falling into jesus' arms instead of sad music, alcohol, drugs, sex, or lies: "but now, thus says the lord, who created you, o jacob, and he who formed you, o israel: “ fear not, for I have redeemed you; i have called you by your name; you are mine." isn't that exactly what we want? to be somebody's? to know that someone wants you and only you for themselves, only so they can love you? "you are MINE" says the lord. i am reduced to cold chills and tears. his promise of redemption was paid through the blood of his son, so that we could belong to him forever, through all our sins, flaws, and mistakes.
"and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross" (philippians 2:8). here comes the heartbreak, again. when we are saddened or pained in our heart from any kind of broken relationship, jesus only desires that we allow him to love us. that's it. we don't have to die an excruciating and horrific death on a wooden cross for us to be able to be with him forever. his son did it for us. it truly does break your heart all over again, right? except this time there are tears of joy instead of pain. heartbreak vs. heartbreak.
i originally wanted to just post sad song lyrics as a shout out to my girls in this post, because honestly, it's ok to feel sadness. however, i thought it better to reassure my girls of the hope of turning sadness into joy (isaiah 61:3) with important words of encouragement. and okay i have to post music too, because it's my thing. i love you all my sweet friends!
Heartbreak vs. Heartbreak
Monday, September 5, 2011
fall chicken with koriander sauce
my swedish family had no idea they also hired a live-in chef as well as an au pair. just kidding, i'm not a chef, but as i have been preparing most of the meals during the week and most weekends, my skills and knowledge of food has grown. or maybe it was inspiration from glassy's head chef i fancied before my arrival. either way, one thing i have found though, is i may be a little superstitious in the kitchen; anything can happen.
i found this recipe in a cookbook, and the picture looked really yummy, but i changed it to make it my own. because i'm not the best reader in swedish and still come across many new words, i tend to do things that don't follow the recipe, you know, add a "little bit of this" and a "little bit of that."
this is what i came up with:
"fall chicken with koriander sauce"
ingredients: koriander sauce:
chicken (one breast for each person) natural greek yoghurt
bacon koriander
potatos lime
carrots salt/pepper to taste
mushrooms (cremini or porcini would be best i think)
onions (not necessary for allergy purposes, ahem, mama)
hole cloves of garlic
fresh thyme
olive oil
salt/pepper
directions (feel it out)
set the oven to 350. cut the potatos and carrots in small pieces. lay them in a form. dice the mushrooms and onions. add them and the whole garlic cloves to the potatos and carrots. mix them together and splash olive oil over. if the chicken breasts are thick, slice them on one side to the middle of the breast so they cook faster. rub the chicken with thyme. then wrap the bacon around the chicken and lay each breast on top of the potato mixture. sprinkle a little more thyme over the whole dish. set it in the oven for maybe 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked all the way through. serve with koriander sauce (you can make the presentations as pretty as you want. i places my vegetables first, the bacon wrapped chicken on top, then sauce around the plate with a little on top of the chicken).
*basically, you can add as little or as much of the flavors as you want, and long as the chicken gets cooks all the way through. it's quick, simple, and tastes amazing which is what we all love, right? also, i haven't tried it yet, but my instincts tell me that the orange roots would make it even better: sweet potatos, pumpkins, and butternut squash mm mmMM!
vårsagod!! (your wlecome!!)
i found this recipe in a cookbook, and the picture looked really yummy, but i changed it to make it my own. because i'm not the best reader in swedish and still come across many new words, i tend to do things that don't follow the recipe, you know, add a "little bit of this" and a "little bit of that."
this is what i came up with:
"fall chicken with koriander sauce"
ingredients: koriander sauce:
chicken (one breast for each person) natural greek yoghurt
bacon koriander
potatos lime
carrots salt/pepper to taste
mushrooms (cremini or porcini would be best i think)
onions (not necessary for allergy purposes, ahem, mama)
hole cloves of garlic
fresh thyme
olive oil
salt/pepper
directions (feel it out)
set the oven to 350. cut the potatos and carrots in small pieces. lay them in a form. dice the mushrooms and onions. add them and the whole garlic cloves to the potatos and carrots. mix them together and splash olive oil over. if the chicken breasts are thick, slice them on one side to the middle of the breast so they cook faster. rub the chicken with thyme. then wrap the bacon around the chicken and lay each breast on top of the potato mixture. sprinkle a little more thyme over the whole dish. set it in the oven for maybe 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked all the way through. serve with koriander sauce (you can make the presentations as pretty as you want. i places my vegetables first, the bacon wrapped chicken on top, then sauce around the plate with a little on top of the chicken).
*basically, you can add as little or as much of the flavors as you want, and long as the chicken gets cooks all the way through. it's quick, simple, and tastes amazing which is what we all love, right? also, i haven't tried it yet, but my instincts tell me that the orange roots would make it even better: sweet potatos, pumpkins, and butternut squash mm mmMM!
vårsagod!! (your wlecome!!)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
"where they raise you to be polite..."
i know i have all these dreams of seeing the whole world, but there is nothing that can take my heart away from the south and her charms. my parents are from the west coast, but for some reason they decided it was better to raise their kids in south carolina, which i could not be more thankful for. the simple life, sweet tea, the coast, and those jacked up chevy's blaring country music are what i look forward to the most when i return. my southern state of mind has not left me yet, ya'll.
Friday, September 2, 2011
i know the heart of life is good
i know i say this a lot, but i love john mayer. L-O-V-E john mayer! i still can't tell if it's an obsession with his lyrics, or an infatuation with the way the sound of his acoustic turns my stomach inside out. i literally get butterflies! it's ridiculous, i know, and yet i still find myself going back to continuum and playing it on repeat. it's by far his best album, and sounds even better live...as in 5ft away from you in charlotte's verizon wireless amphitheater live, where you can smell and see the sweat dripping from his 80's style blue sweatband around his head. whoah. flashbacks are my favorite. it was a moment never to be forgotten.
ok, i can stop the rambling now.
nonetheless, i was thinking about his song "the heart of life" today, and tried to pinpoint exactly where the heart of my life is thus far. it just so happens to be in these dreadful 20's, where there is so much figuring out to do about yourself, love, friends, social status, career paths, faith...etc and not specifically in that order. it's difficult, and i'm finding it much harder on this "little" (a.k.a. 10 month long) adventure i'm on in sweden. being away from all that i've ever known in my life has given me a lot of time in self discovery. i won't share those things now, because let's face it, i will probably change my mind tomorrow (it'a a 20's thing).
i do want to share, however, that i've had somewhat of a breakthrough today. it was the first time, since i have been here in sweden, maybe even longer, that i felt completely like myself, sara maria giffin. it was just me, even to the point where i confessed that i am secretly still into dinosaurs. i honestly could watch jurassic park over and over, and i have always loved the discovery channel series "walking with dinosaurs" and will have it in my documentary collection one day. fyi.
today was just a typical day though: took the kids to school, had my cup of earl grey, did a little run, enticed myself in john grisham's "the associate," trained at the pool, actually sat down to watch reruns of the bachelor with jenny and fun conversation during the commercial breaks, and before you know it, it was time to go get the kids from school! the night proceeded as any other typical friday would, where i made our friday cocktail and started cooking. it was a nice recipe too, mmm i'll post it later ;). anyways, i had the music blaring, all the while singing all the lyrics to the playlist jenny picked out at the top of my lungs. i was having a blast, also while elias (2 year old) was determined to vacuum every little piece of schmutz in the other room. this scene was probably a little chaotic to any other person with the noise in general. haha but the crisp fall air of a swedish september was blowing through the open door, and i was so content and in my element! i laughed so much at elias and emma after dinner, and it was basically just me and the two of them watching princess stories volume 2. it was pretty special, or maybe it was that 2nd glass of wine! i don't know! it felt SO good though, to just be my quirky ole southern self! i think me singing so loud in the kitchen was what through me off, because i haven't really expressed that side of myself here. i don't know why, i totally miss it! but today, i didn't hold back: from my run, from being a chatterbox, from singing my heart out, from laughing, from loving on these kids, from sticking my face outside just to smell the air...by far the most comfortable state of "me" that i've experienced.
i have 4 more months of the hardest and greatest challenge of being an au pair and finding myself in sweden, and today gave me hope. hope past all of the hard times i've already had, and the many more that will come during these next few years. i know that SO many things will change, but i pray that i can stay true to the few simple things in my life that make me who i am already (song and voice, a childlike faith, a love for ALL, even dinosaurs, a runner). i'm sure every other 20-something old blog enthusiast posts the same story, but they are all our own, and we are not lying when we say this is a sucky part of life. BUT the heart of life is indeed good, and the process is all worthwhile in the end. the end being contentment, peace, and love. you just have to go through a few burning rooms first.
thanks for listening,
~uncharted
"The Heart Of Life"
I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good
ok, i can stop the rambling now.
nonetheless, i was thinking about his song "the heart of life" today, and tried to pinpoint exactly where the heart of my life is thus far. it just so happens to be in these dreadful 20's, where there is so much figuring out to do about yourself, love, friends, social status, career paths, faith...etc and not specifically in that order. it's difficult, and i'm finding it much harder on this "little" (a.k.a. 10 month long) adventure i'm on in sweden. being away from all that i've ever known in my life has given me a lot of time in self discovery. i won't share those things now, because let's face it, i will probably change my mind tomorrow (it'a a 20's thing).
i do want to share, however, that i've had somewhat of a breakthrough today. it was the first time, since i have been here in sweden, maybe even longer, that i felt completely like myself, sara maria giffin. it was just me, even to the point where i confessed that i am secretly still into dinosaurs. i honestly could watch jurassic park over and over, and i have always loved the discovery channel series "walking with dinosaurs" and will have it in my documentary collection one day. fyi.
today was just a typical day though: took the kids to school, had my cup of earl grey, did a little run, enticed myself in john grisham's "the associate," trained at the pool, actually sat down to watch reruns of the bachelor with jenny and fun conversation during the commercial breaks, and before you know it, it was time to go get the kids from school! the night proceeded as any other typical friday would, where i made our friday cocktail and started cooking. it was a nice recipe too, mmm i'll post it later ;). anyways, i had the music blaring, all the while singing all the lyrics to the playlist jenny picked out at the top of my lungs. i was having a blast, also while elias (2 year old) was determined to vacuum every little piece of schmutz in the other room. this scene was probably a little chaotic to any other person with the noise in general. haha but the crisp fall air of a swedish september was blowing through the open door, and i was so content and in my element! i laughed so much at elias and emma after dinner, and it was basically just me and the two of them watching princess stories volume 2. it was pretty special, or maybe it was that 2nd glass of wine! i don't know! it felt SO good though, to just be my quirky ole southern self! i think me singing so loud in the kitchen was what through me off, because i haven't really expressed that side of myself here. i don't know why, i totally miss it! but today, i didn't hold back: from my run, from being a chatterbox, from singing my heart out, from laughing, from loving on these kids, from sticking my face outside just to smell the air...by far the most comfortable state of "me" that i've experienced.
i have 4 more months of the hardest and greatest challenge of being an au pair and finding myself in sweden, and today gave me hope. hope past all of the hard times i've already had, and the many more that will come during these next few years. i know that SO many things will change, but i pray that i can stay true to the few simple things in my life that make me who i am already (song and voice, a childlike faith, a love for ALL, even dinosaurs, a runner). i'm sure every other 20-something old blog enthusiast posts the same story, but they are all our own, and we are not lying when we say this is a sucky part of life. BUT the heart of life is indeed good, and the process is all worthwhile in the end. the end being contentment, peace, and love. you just have to go through a few burning rooms first.
thanks for listening,
~uncharted
"The Heart Of Life"
I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good
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