i know the heart of life is good

i know i say this a lot, but i love john mayer. L-O-V-E john mayer! i still can't tell if it's an obsession with his lyrics, or an infatuation with the way the sound of his acoustic turns my stomach inside out. i literally get butterflies! it's ridiculous, i know, and yet i still find myself going back to continuum and playing it on repeat. it's by far his best album, and sounds even better live...as in 5ft away from you in charlotte's verizon wireless amphitheater live, where you can smell and see the sweat dripping from his 80's style blue sweatband around his head. whoah. flashbacks are my favorite. it was a moment never to be forgotten.

ok, i can stop the rambling now.

nonetheless, i was thinking about his song "the heart of life" today, and tried to pinpoint exactly where the heart of my life is thus far. it just so happens to be in these dreadful 20's, where there is so much figuring out to do about yourself, love, friends, social status, career paths, faith...etc and not specifically in that order.  it's difficult, and i'm finding it much harder on this "little" (a.k.a. 10 month long) adventure i'm on in sweden.  being away from all that i've ever known in my life has given me a lot of time in self discovery.  i won't share those things now, because let's face it, i will probably change my mind tomorrow (it'a a 20's thing).
i do want to share, however, that i've had somewhat of a breakthrough today.  it was the first time, since i have been here in sweden, maybe even longer, that i felt completely like myself, sara maria giffin. it was just me, even to the point where i confessed that i am secretly still into dinosaurs. i honestly could watch jurassic park over and over, and i have always loved the discovery channel series "walking with dinosaurs" and will have it in my documentary collection one day. fyi.
today was just a typical day though: took the kids to school, had my cup of earl grey, did a little run, enticed myself in john grisham's "the associate," trained at the pool, actually sat down to watch reruns of the bachelor with jenny and fun conversation during the commercial breaks, and before you know it, it was time to go get the kids from school! the night proceeded as any other typical friday would, where i made our friday cocktail and started cooking. it was a nice recipe too, mmm i'll post it later ;). anyways, i had the music blaring, all the while singing all the lyrics to the playlist jenny picked out at the top of my lungs. i was having a blast, also while elias (2 year old) was determined to vacuum every little piece of schmutz in the other room.  this scene was probably a little chaotic to any other person with the noise in general. haha but the crisp fall air of a swedish september was blowing through the open door, and i was so content and in my element! i laughed so much at elias and emma after dinner, and it was basically just me and the two of them watching princess stories volume 2.  it was pretty special, or maybe it was that 2nd glass of wine! i don't know! it felt SO good though, to just be my quirky ole southern self!  i think me singing so loud in the kitchen was what through me off, because i haven't really expressed that side of myself here. i don't know why, i totally miss it!  but today, i didn't hold back: from my run, from being a chatterbox, from singing my heart out, from laughing, from loving on these kids, from sticking my face outside just to smell the air...by far the most comfortable state of "me" that i've experienced. 

i have 4 more months of the hardest and greatest challenge of being an au pair and finding myself in sweden, and today gave me hope. hope past all of the hard times i've already had, and the many more that will come during these next few years. i know that SO many things will change, but i pray that i can stay true to the few simple things in my life that make me who i am already (song and voice, a childlike faith, a love for ALL, even dinosaurs, a runner).  i'm sure every other 20-something old blog enthusiast posts the same story, but they are all our own, and we are not lying when we say this is a sucky part of life. BUT the heart of life is indeed good, and the process is all worthwhile in the end. the end being contentment, peace, and love. you just have to go through a few burning rooms first.

thanks for listening,

~uncharted

"The Heart Of Life"
I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good