Dear Göteborg

setting: raining and listening to "you've got mail" soundtrack. perfect for blogging, and it smells like fall outside.

here is an excerpt from my personal journal that i thought was blog worthy and straight from the heart of an au pair:

dear göteborg,
so maybe there are stars after all, because i happen to be looking at about 6 of them in my almost dark sky, on my roof, my escape.  i am officially sick as a dog, well i suppose as sick as you can be with all this sinus pressure building up around my eyes. 

i promise you, i did not want to wake up today and be left by myself with all 3 kids...absolutely did not want to do it.  in fact if it wasn't for kristina (jenny's mom), and how sweet and patient she is, i feel like the bitterness would have lasted all day.  but ya know what? as much as an inconvenience it is to be sick, you still have to do your job.  especially when you are a mom or a caretaker...and i'm pretty sure i still have elias convinced that i am super woman!  he refuses to believe that i could be sick and tired.  he's 2, what can you expect?

now i am not complaining, because believe me, the little moments i get to experience with these kids make up for at least 2 days of being sick. i suppose this happens for every mom, and here, i only get to "play" mom.  it's quite magical.  for example: tonight, i either made some dang good chicken legs, or elias was famished.  he literally became an animal at dinner, a lion, bear, tiger...something that likes meat and a TON of rice.  honestly i've never seen this kid eat like this before, and i was a little scared.  i sat with him for almost an hour, waiting and watching for him to get every single little piece of chicken off the bone.  i wish i was taking a video because it was almost as if he was ripping it to shreds, and the parts he couldn't get off with his teeth, i had to help him get off with my barely there fingernails.  he also ate ALL of the vegetables and 2 full portions of rice!! he's 2 YEARS OLD! i was dying! it was incredible! i don't think i will ever forget that moment. 

then i had my moment with erik today.  sheesh, i don't understand why this kid likes a struggle and a fight, but he does, and he wanted to fight today.  fighting meaning trying to get a reaction from the person in charge, because 7 year olds think they get to make all decisions.  well, here's a wake up call : you don't. the end. however today, erik chose not to listen and run away after the hoarse au pair asked him nicely to come change out of his sweat pants and sweat shirt in 93  degree weather.  after hearing that it was too hot for sweats and the possibility of heat stroke, he gave me that look saying, "you wanna go?"  and i'm thinking, "oh hell yeah, you wanna fight? let's go then."  so the au pair chased him down and literally had to drag him into the house, which resulted in the usual "GO AWAY I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" routine.  ok, at least he's not in the heat anymore.  so he went to go cool off in his room. a wise decision. few minutes later, he hears a knock on his door...and in my best swenglish as i could manage without being able to talk, i explained to him why it was not safe to play outside in his sweats. all he had to do, was change into shorts and a t-shirt, and we wouldn't have to fight about it, and he could have had so much more time to play.  i told him that i don't want to find him laying in the woods or the street from passing out in the heat.  it's dangerous and can make him very sick.  finally, he understood that i was just trying to keep him safe, a lesson we have to teach him over and over again.  he likes to think that we don't love him and only he knows what's best for him.  heavy sigh.  my day could have been better without the fight, but like i said, as much as an inconvenience as it is, you still have to carry out the duties of being a loving mom or caretaker.

then there was a sweet little emma moment.  now emma is 4 and LOVES to be the helper!  she was my little helper as i was making my first lemon meringue pie.  i always let her add ingredients and she loves to blend or stir ´whatever we're making.  i wasn't going to finish all the steps so i thanked her and told her that i would have to finish later after the kids were in bed.  next thing you know, she has my face cupped in her hands as i'm holding her, making sure i was looking directly at her. it was almost nerveracking as she was so close and studying my face intently.  i don't know if she was counting my freckles, checking out my zit, or perhaps just remembering.  it was seriously one of the sweetest moments i've had with her. she even blew me kisses before being swept off to bed! sweetheart.

i've had so many of little moments, good and bad, that i wonder what they'll be like when i have my own kids one day.  i can only expect them to be 10x greater!  it's crazy, this adventure i'm on.  as much as i love kids, i don't want any of my own for a long while still, for there is SO much i have to learn about life in general.  but this is a wonderful opportunity and good practice for being a caring leader as a teacher, and a nurturing mom one day. 

göteborg, it's been a long, sick, and happy day. 

signed,

i need drugs to make this headache go away