i am a runner, as stated on my blog profile, yet i have kept from writing about this joy the entire time i've been in sweden. i thought this subject would be the one thing i wrote about most, but as it turns out, there have been zero posts about how this physical activity has the closest relationship with my heart, second to jesus.
close to the beginning of my time here, my dear friend kate, who is also a runner, and i were talking about the changes you face when moving to another country. she stated that with a move that changes everything you know in your life, the best way to keep from going insane is to have a "constant" or something you loved doing that you can do anywhere. of all the things that i love to do, which is a LOT, running is the one that has helped keep me sane. seriously. i remember how lonely and scared i felt when i first got here, thinking "i am not gonna be able to do this...ten months...i'm in trouble" then i remember how i felt the first time i laced up and hit the trails. oh, what a heavy sigh of relief. i was finally able to be with myself and feel like myself, and i knew that i would be okay. it's what brings me back to life.
i only started running maybe 2 years ago, and my inspiration was my dad, and watching him run the finish of his very first marathon. it might have been my first marathon experience, besides seeing all of my older brother's cross country and track competitions. seeing how free and strong all these runners looked gave me this idea. i wanted to look as free and strong as they did, so i started training for my first 5k. with the help of my older brother and my dad encouraging me, i became completely obssessed, and knew i had found something that was worth the struggle. it was a hard transition from always loving sprints and volleyball training to loving long distance running. i'm not going to lie, my first few times i hated the way i felt after and wanted to puke my life up every time. but i kept going, knowing that stage only lasts for a short time. then as soon as i met the runner's high, i realized that i might never go back to a life without running. since my beginning, i have run about seven 5ks, two 10ks, and five half marathons, which i can say 13.1 miles is my favorite distance. my goal already for 2012 is to run my first full marathon, but everytime i've run a half, i think, "how in the world would i ever be able to run this twice?" haha well, with this obsession, looks like i will never be satisfied until i find out.
my relationship with the sport is not just physical, but also just as much as spiritual and emotional. i can't explain to anyone what a relief it is to let my thoughts wander and be free while running. it's just me and the road, no judgements, no insecurities, no outside world, and nothing to get in the way of my thoughts and prayers. i feel strong, brave, tired, empowered, and fierce, all at the same time. i usually run with music to steady my pace, stimulate thoughts, create moments in my head of where these songs would play-a movie or a novel. then there are days where the run couldn't be more in tune with the sounds of the environment around me, and where i just need the silence to pray specifically for something i am struggling with, or something i am so incredibly thankful for. often times i find this is where some of my more intimate conversations with god take place. there are even some day where i feel as if jesus in on the run with me.
however, not every run is an empowering and freeing state of mind. depending on my training during the week, whether it has been consistent or not, i could have a crappy run, and have on many occasions. it never stops me though. i have to keep going, because i know it is worth it in the end, especially when you recieve your finisher medal. it takes perseverance, endurance, and some good glides to make it to the end. i mentioned before that my running relationship is just as spiritual as it is physical. well, that is because training for a race and running in general, is just like, i believe, the walk of a christian in this age. it starts with fundamentals, then gets harder and longer. the more you stick with the training the better the results and recieving the medal at the end are. when i trained for my first half, i was very strickt with my training when i first started out, really focusing on my pace and my long runs. however, there were a couple weeks where i became lazy and allowed other influences to talk me out of doing my long run, or maybe a couple runs in a row. bad move. the next week was like starting over. if you are not consistent, you are only creating a battle with yourself. this has proved to be true in my christian walk as well. sunday school and youth group was easy, especially when memorizing scripture and bible studies were...not forced...but highly encouraged by house rules. i loved it, i was always on a high, and i learned so much. however, when you start making decisions on your own, you take all the "training" you did for granted; the training being praying, going to church, studying the bible, and having close relationships with your brothers and sisters in christ. it's not hard to get into a funk when you've put down your bible for weeks or months. exactly like training for a race, you have to be consistent. it is impossible to have an intimate relationship with christ if you are not eagerly seeking him out. it is impossible to complete a marathon and recieve that medal with out training. your body can't handle "wingin" a marathon. just like our hearts, as christians, we can't handle the christian walk alone without proper training. this just makes sense to me.
one of my favorite passages in scripture actually mentions racing, and i love the way "the message" puts it:
"
You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally. I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself"
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
in the new king james:
"
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.
i believe with my whole entire heart and from experience that giving jesus everything i've got gives me the most inexplainable joy and love i've ever had in my life. i am not saying that i haven't been on dark roads, or that i'm at that point right now, but even just a taste of what it's like to be at rest in the father's arms keeps me going. for indeed, we are running for an "imprerishable crown" that we will recieve when we meet jesus face to face in his glorious kingdom. just the thought brings tears to my eyes. this is why i run, for the most part, and why it has become a love of mine that i hope to carry well into my 70's. i want to recieve the medal at the end, literally and spiritually, and if that means training is going to be hard, that's ok. i know it hurts, strains, challenges, and pushes you to the limit, but i will fight for that. i'm not perfect, but i do have my jesus to help me, as my mom says, "finish strong!!"
